Things get super weird when your friends start getting engaged.
The shift from your fun, carefree college girl life to suddenly discussing things like bridesmaid dresses and vows is a stark, sudden one – and while you’ll probably feel like the engagement stage is still a long way off for most of your friends, chances are that at least one will have a ring within a year or two of graduation.
If you’re not that friend, it’s totally normal to feel a little bit resentful, cynical, envious, disapproving and most of all, scared that you’ll never have the same relationship with your friend again. Trust me. I’ve been there.
There are definitely things you can do to minimize the friendship damage when your first lady friend gets engaged – follow these rules and you’ll be handle it with as much grace as possible.
1. Be supportive
You may feel like she’s way too young to be getting engaged. You may feel like she should wait longer, be with someone different or whatever. But here’s the thing: A girl’s engagement should be among the happiest times of her life. Don’t bring your friend down at this point. If you have a good reason to believe her guy is no good, why didn’t you tell her while they were boyfriend and girlfriend? Once she’s officially engaged, know that the stakes are much higher. Don’t let your girl marry someone who is truly bad for her (if he cheats or is abusive, do something please) but make sure you’re honest with yourself. If she seems happy, do whatever you can to be happy for her. It may not be what you’d want in your life but that doesn’t mean you can’t support a friend.
2. Get to know her fiancé
He’ll probably be around for a while (or you know, forever) so you might as well turn him into a cool guy friend of yours. Making your friend’s fiancé feel welcome is an awesome way to squash any tension that may exist when one friend is engaged and the other isn’t. Offer to take the two of them to dinner to celebrate and get to know his other friends as well. How knows? You might be able to meet an awesome guy for yourself through him.
3. Have fun!
Weddings are a blast! If you’re friends with the bride-to-be, it’s extra fun: You’re close to all the action without having a ton of stress or responsibility on you. Enjoy every step of it, from the bachelorette parties to the showers to choosing the dress to dancing your ass off at the ceremony. No wedding will ever be as much as the first one of your group of friends. Also, you can enjoy everything without having to bear the stress of it being your wedding day.
4. Understand that everyone wants different things in life
This one cycles back to the first point. Your girl might be ready to get married and that’s her prerogative. On the other hand, if you really think hard about what you want, you just might find that it’s a few more years to do what you want without being tied down – and that’s awesome! There’s no rule saying that you have to settle down at a certain time. We all objectively know this but when people around you start getting engaged, it can be very easy to lose sight of that fact. It’s important to understand that everyone has a different timeline and that all that matters is that you stick to the one that works for you.
5. Plan some girl time
It’s totally normal that your friendship might feel strained when one person gets engaged. You have to fight through that. Understand that things won’t be 100% the same as they used to be but take steps to ensure that the two of you will stay as close as possible. Ask her if the two of you can have a night to yourselves for dinner, drinks and some good conversation. It’ll make the two of your realize that just because you’re in different places in life, you’re still the same people you always were.
