Getting a massage is made out to be a tranquil escape from the world. Anyone who has actually experienced one knows this isn’t usually the case. Sure, at times it feels like an angel’s hands are reliving all the stress you’ve ever felt, but at the same time, it’s a pretty awkward experience that sends your mind racing.
1. I’m going to really need a relaxing massage after trying to find this place.
2. So many products in the lobby. Please don’t make me buy any.
3. What kind of massage do I want? There’s more than one kind?
4. The normal one? Yes, thank you.
5. Everyone here speaks so softly. It’s so calming.
6. Even this waiting area has me feeling zen. Feng shui?
7. My turn!
8. I love how the masseuse is making small talk before she asks me to get naked.
9. At least buy me dinner first, amiright?
10. It’s just hitting me that I’m about to strip down for a total stranger.
11. Why did I think this was a good idea??
12. Do I take everything off?
13. Gah, leaving the undies on, I can’t.
14. Cold, cold, cold.
15. Oh, wow, is this massage table heated? That’s good stuff.
16. Come back. I’m ready and it’s awkward to be just laying here on this table naked with ocean sounds playing.
17. Gotta relax. Gotta relax.
18. “Hi, ready, yeah, okay.”
19. Let’s do this!
20. The areas where I’d like you to specially pay attention to are everywhere.
21. She’s touching my face.
22. Not relaxed.
23. Arms, yes, much better. Even though this oil is a little cold.
24. Legs feels good.
25. I totally didn’t shave.
26. How far up my leg is she going?
27. Well, now she knows I left my underwear on.
28. Forgot about feet. I hope I don’t get ticklish and kick her in the face.
29. Why am I thinking so much?
30. Shouldn’t I be in some sort of meditative state?
31. Whatever.
32. *I’m so fancy*
33. Oh, the flip over. They warned me this would happen.
34. That wasn’t very graceful, but the table didn’t collapse so I’ll call it a win.
35. Just put my face in this little hole? This is definitely going to leave lines that I forget about until I get home.
36. Now, THIS is what I was talking about.
37. Oh my god, it hurts.
38. …in a good way?
39. Oh yes, in a good way.
40. Taking mental notes to impress my next boyfriend.
41. Why is she stopping?
42. It hasn’t been an hour already.
43. I’m not ready to go!
44. Don’t tell me to get up “when I’m ready” unless you are okay with me laying here for a while.
45. Fine, back into the real world.
46. But first, I really have to pee.
