Whether you’re single or taken, the tried and true approach to Valentine’s Day is to hope for the best 24 hours of the year. Like New Year’s Eve, your birthday, and pretty much every time you put on real pants instead of leggings, Valentine’s is chock full of expectations and pressure to be the BEST DAY EVER.
In an attempt to curb this deadly pressure (and avoid spilling tears into my whiskey sour), I’ve gone ahead and compiled a list of the 5 Valentine’s Day dream dates (that will never actually happen) to acknowledge this insane pressure. And in a highly scientific manner, I’ve assigned probabilities to each of these options. From the somewhat possible to the completely improbable, here are the five dream dates your ideal man has planned for February 14th.
A home cooked meal
The Chances: 50%
Given that your dream dude is a five star chef (along with being a puppy rescuing, marathon running, brain surgeon) this one shouldn’t be that hard. And while this may be the dream, the reality looks a little more like a college boy struggling not to burn the mac and cheese he concocted in his frat house’s kitchen (that is if you can even get him to acknowledge that it’s Valentine’s Day).
A Bachelorette-style extravagant date
The Chances: 10%
While you’re not expecting to star in your own action movie or be serenaded by Train (0kay, you kind of are), you’d like something worthy of the final rose. It seems like only guys in movies (and guys who have the help of a whole team of producers) are a fan of the grand gesture date.
*AUTHOR’S NOTE: whether you’re single or taken, just be glad that you don’t have to pretend to be in love with Juan Pablo.
A Destination date (private jet included)
The Chances: 0.5%
A safari, beach vacation (complete with Mai Tais) or even a trip to the mountains will do–I’m not picky. Maybe this one is only a dream date because it happens in every bad made-for-TV movie that we all grew up watching when we faked sick to stay home, but some B-list actor can whisk me away to Paris on his private jet any day.
A Trip to Lake Como with George Clooney
The Chances: 0.1%
Because these are dream dates, we can ignore the fact that George is married to just about the most accomplished woman ever. However, in our alternate date universe, George is looking Ocean’s Eleven good, still single, and making you homemade pasta (paired with wine that costs more than your post-grad starter salary).
A weekend with Prince Harry
The Chances: 0.001%
This one takes the cake (and the crown). A date with a real life prince would obviously involve everything from partying in Ibiza to meeting world dignitaries (there would of course be a stop for a blowout with whoever does Kate Middleton’s hair along the way).
