The Bachelor Week 6: Power Ranking the Best Left Riding the Farmer

At this point in the game, there’s really only the top two, the bottom two, and everyone else. Before we get into that, let’s just talk about their location for a moment. They went to South Dakota and Chris was talking about its history and how amazing it is to be there. These places are so random, but it totally makes sense because these locations pay for the show to come. It’s truly something to watch these people get excited about being in the middle of nowhere together.

1. Becca

Beautiful, sweet, virginal Becca. There’s really nothing bad to say about her. She’s like a puppy/kitten hybrid. She was actually ashamed that her dad would see her kissing on TV. Chris even said that their date was the most genuine he’d been on. If she doesn’t win, I call her becoming the next Bachelorette. She’s America’s Sweetheart-y enough for it. Also, it would be a riot to hear all the male contestants talk about respecting her values, blah, blah, blah.

“Sorry, Dad!”

2. Britt

Chris couldn’t even pretend to give a damn about the other women on the group date. They were supposed to be writing a song with Big & Rich but his ass was just making moon eyes at Britt the whole time. I bet there’s something in her au natural smell that reminds him of home. And she has great hair, can’t deny. But one thing is clear: in the words of Housewives, “she’s not a girl’s girl.” She actually ran off with Chris while the other girls sat back and tried not to cry.

“I know who Big & Rich are from earlier today!”

She better watch herself while she sleeps. Someone might efff up her make-up.

3. Those girls in the middle

Jade got a pretend storyline with her fear of writing a country song. So, Big (or Rich, unclear) took her to run on the streets of Deadwood for inspiration.

“You’re in Deadwood now!!!”

Carly had an intimate moment with Chris while everyone was watching.

“Look at me, looking at you.” *Actual song lyrics*

Kaitlyn cried! Well, a lot of people did after he ran off with the country hating waitress from Hollywood.

Too cool to cry.

Two villains sent home:

4. Ashley I.

Things got really intense when she tattled on Kelsey in the badlands. I got excited because I thought it would be the first physical fight of the season. But I forgot, these girls are made of tears and sobs, so neither was going to go out that way.

If looks could kill…

“I may be a virgin but I’m sexy and she’s not.” Ohhh how I wish those were her actual last words! She’s horrible but I don’t think this will be her last reality TV gig. Bachelor Pad has to cast this girl. She did have a good point that Britt wouldn’t fit his lifestyle either. She also seemed to have a come to Jesus moment about her hysterical behavior the whole time but then, that moment passed and she just kept on crying and carrying on.

I’ll always remember her for tears and mascara. Bye (K)Ashley Kardashian!

5. Kelsey

The saga of Kelsey continues! While lying on the floor she actually said, “I’m going to get a rose tonight, just give me the bunch.” Don’t think she realized that the other girls could hear her and they all gave her the best “beyotch please” faces.

She’s thinking, “Catch your breath, you’re finnnneeee.”

But leave it to Ashley S. to really call her out and claim she’s faking her hubby’s death. This girl wants to see Kelsey’s paperwork! Imagine if they all ran with actual paperwork to corroborate their amazing stories. It would make things a lot easier, that’s for sure. But the best part came when the other girls confronted her.

“I get it, I’m blessed with eloquence because I use a lot of big words because I’m smart.”

When she was sent home, the other girls popped the champs and used her own phrase, “immeasurably blessed,” to talk about how great it was that she was sent home. Bye Kelsey! At least you have your story!

Two other homies went home as well. Pour one out for Mackenzie & Samantha, who we never knew.