If you’re a college girl, you may find yourself thinking that dating is a complete myth. I’m not talking about relationships: I’m talking about that thing where two virtual strangers get dressed up, go to a nice restaurant, get to know one another and then possibly set up a time and place to do the whole thing all over again, albeit with a slightly stronger knowledge of one another.
For most college students, that sort of casual dating is virtually nonexistent. It’s a hookup culture for sure – people are always ‘talking’ to someone or ‘hooking up’ with someone and the term ‘dating’ usually refers to being in a relationship with someone.
In the real world, things look a little bit different. How so, you ask? Let’s look at a few of the ways postgrad dating is different.
1. First dates are hella awkward
When I was in college I thought dating – the kind you read about in women’s magazines or see in movies – seemed incredibly glamorous. The truth? More often than not, it is awkward. You have literally no idea what you’re getting yourself into. Half the time you can’t even enjoy yourself because you have a contestant stream of questions going through your head: Is he going to be weird? Is he going to order food or just drinks? Should I offer to pay? Are we splitting the food or ordering separately? Is anyone texting me? Is it okay if I sneak a quick glance at my phone? Am I overdressed? Is this going to be the last date? Honestly it’s sort of exhausting sometimes.
2. Watching a movie at his place is not a date
In college if a guy asked you to watch a movie with him, it was sort of safe to assume he actually liked you – at least if you actually do watch the movie once you get there. In the real world? If a guy asks you to come over instead of meeting you out in public within the first three dates……generally speaking, it’s a cop out and he only wants one thing. There are exceptions, of course, but I’ve seen way too many friends fall into this trap. Bottom line: The stakes are higher once you’ve made it out of college. Even if it’s just a $7 buffet dinner, a date should require some sort of effort.
3. Online dating is sort of the norm
I’m guessing things have changed since my college days but as far as I knew, none of my friends had ever tried online dating. Now that I’m a card-carrying member of the ‘real world’ that’s completely changed. Most of friends have signed up for at least one site – some of them have even had good luck with online dating. It’s not just about Tinder hookups; people are finding their future spouses online. There’s very little shame associated with online dating post-college these days, which is great. People will openly talk about going on Match.com dates or meeting crazies on OKCupid.
4. When you’re in a relationship, people constantly ask you if he’s ‘the one’
I dated the same person basically throughout college and people rarely asked me if I thought I would marry him. On the other hand, I started getting bombarded with questions about whether or not I could see a future with my current boyfriend after we’d been dating for just a few months. This might be the most annoying part of post-college dating, in all honesty. Explaining to people that you’re ‘not quite ready yet’ and having them ask a million questions (think ‘why not?’ ‘are you sure?’ and my personal favorite ‘so then what are you doing with him?’) is not fun and frankly, it makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. With that being said, it makes sense. Everyone around you is getting married and engaged and a lot of your friends will want information from you so that they can use it to examine their own relationships using yours as a yardstick of sorts. Again, annoying.
5. There’s no timeline
It’s rare that you’ll find a grown man who will straight up ask you if you’ll be his girlfriend. Sure, some people still do it but in all honesty, when someone becomes your boyfriend, you’ll both just sort of know it. You’ll probably have the ‘are we exclusive?’ talk, but that won’t always mean you guys are boyfriend and girlfriend (though it generally means you’re headed that way.) It’s a little frustrating for sure, but it also beats that whole awkward DTR talk.
